Relatable, I'm a relentless people pleaser and I've learned as well that sometimes by constantly trying to keep everyone happy you're actually hurting them in the process. It's been such a journey and I'm definitely still learning every day!
Yeah, just imagine when they find out you were in discomfort while you were constantly making them happy. It sucks for both the sides. I’ve faced it in real life and it felt awful. That’s why whenever my actions become intended to please someone, I think how would they’ll feel if they know the truth. It’s better to be open about it now than later. What do you say?
I have said no a couple of times times recently, to the same person, and it has not been well received. While I understand I could say it in a kinder way, I also wonder how much its it about the other person being offended and almost indignant when hearing my no, as it seems to be so unexpected for them for me not to do what I ask me to, even if reluctantly. Reading your piece it makes also wonder how I would feel if they said no to me. I do know that I actually try to avoid being rejected by not asking for help in the first place (and also feeling resentful...about that). So, some work to do on myself, for sure.
Not asking help in the first place to avoid facing rejection— sooo me. I had lost a number of opportunities because of this. But healing myself helped me learn that getting a rejection is not completely about me. There are two or more person’s feelings and thoughts involved here. So, though it stings a bit, now I don’t get into an overthinking mode.
Your experience with saying no is so relatable. A lot of my experience with therapy has been healing the inner parts of me that were injured by childhood trauma. And, though I’ve gotten better at saying no, my inner voice still makes up a lot of stories about what people will think about me.
True, Jillian. Can we ever be free of those stories? I don’t think so. Can we say we are healed and learned to respond to those stories? Yes, that might be possible.
The book is keeping me awake every night. At many instances, I felt seen.
This week, I wrote a set of short fiction on workplace dilemmas. This was a series on empathy. Refusal & rejection was one of the critical stories. When I shared it with my client, they could see how relevant it is. It’s not easy to take a no. But perhaps it’s easier to set one’s expectations right.
Relatable, I'm a relentless people pleaser and I've learned as well that sometimes by constantly trying to keep everyone happy you're actually hurting them in the process. It's been such a journey and I'm definitely still learning every day!
Yeah, just imagine when they find out you were in discomfort while you were constantly making them happy. It sucks for both the sides. I’ve faced it in real life and it felt awful. That’s why whenever my actions become intended to please someone, I think how would they’ll feel if they know the truth. It’s better to be open about it now than later. What do you say?
yes that's absolutely true :-)
I have said no a couple of times times recently, to the same person, and it has not been well received. While I understand I could say it in a kinder way, I also wonder how much its it about the other person being offended and almost indignant when hearing my no, as it seems to be so unexpected for them for me not to do what I ask me to, even if reluctantly. Reading your piece it makes also wonder how I would feel if they said no to me. I do know that I actually try to avoid being rejected by not asking for help in the first place (and also feeling resentful...about that). So, some work to do on myself, for sure.
Not asking help in the first place to avoid facing rejection— sooo me. I had lost a number of opportunities because of this. But healing myself helped me learn that getting a rejection is not completely about me. There are two or more person’s feelings and thoughts involved here. So, though it stings a bit, now I don’t get into an overthinking mode.
Your experience with saying no is so relatable. A lot of my experience with therapy has been healing the inner parts of me that were injured by childhood trauma. And, though I’ve gotten better at saying no, my inner voice still makes up a lot of stories about what people will think about me.
Can’t wait to hear what you think of the book!
True, Jillian. Can we ever be free of those stories? I don’t think so. Can we say we are healed and learned to respond to those stories? Yes, that might be possible.
The book is keeping me awake every night. At many instances, I felt seen.
This week, I wrote a set of short fiction on workplace dilemmas. This was a series on empathy. Refusal & rejection was one of the critical stories. When I shared it with my client, they could see how relevant it is. It’s not easy to take a no. But perhaps it’s easier to set one’s expectations right.
Well said. Expectations-where these feelings start.